On Spirituality.

When confronted with a question one does not want to answer silence is not golden. Silence becomes a vehicle of torture that is extremely difficult to overcome.

I have recently, and for quite a few years honestly, felt that I have lost touch with my spiritual side.

I remember a time when I felt the wind speaking to me directly. The sun reflecting off of the moon a source of love in my life. The sun, hotter than I ever wanted it, was something I took great joy in greeting every morning. I would go out for walks out on the dyke a mile past the street and watch as the colors of the world came from darkness into life. That was every morning.

It was a time when music wasn't just sound but it was capable of touching even the smallest vibrations of my soul.

I feel that for the past few years I have lost that very important part of me. That part of me that reminded me that I was part of a greater life force.

Perhaps it was science that did it. Perhaps it was the destructive force of spiritual bullshit that I unfortunately had to deal with. Tragically I feel that experience hurt another person who never deserved it. I know the result on my end is a person lost trying to find a way to reclaim my spiritual truths and overly cautious that I may be crazy with what I find.

I feel deeply that I am beyond the conservative spirituality that modern religion offers. Almost at a point of starting my own, as friends would fondly recall the days of my proclaimed Natheism. By the way, the only requirement is that you believe I exist, so unless you're crazy, you're all Natheist. It is my religion, I might add some more rules later.

I remember in my youth I listened to heavy metal because I thought the darkness was where I belonged. Even now I still dress up and go to the occasional goth club but I have learned that it was the darkness that I loved, it was the calm. The quiet. The thoughts that come when all else is dreaming. It is the darkness that feeds into me at times I wish to be creative. I have written a 90 page screenplay in one night. The darkness is the essence of creativity. Ask any writer, they all work well into the night and early morning. I may be a "goth" but that is not my spiritual essence (no matter how much I loved the Gothic Tarot) it is only an identifier of the self.

I have learned of another book which tells you that you have the knowledge inside and you know it to be true.

In my never ending quest to discover spiritual truth I have now started reading The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle on the recommendation of Jim Carrey.