02/12/2013

WARNING: EXTREME CONTENT BELOW. FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY
































I haven't been able to sleep and I'm not certain if I will be able to any time soon. I can't eat because I still feel like throwing up. Last night, after fixing a computer with my friend Skippy (Chris for the uninitiated) I headed out to Inglewood, CA to check on my friend that I had not heard from for a few days.

The fact that I had not heard from him in a few days was not suspicious behavior. Often times I would call on him and he would not answer his phone. I got to his house around 12:45 am. I walked up to the Condo and pressed the button on the speaker and joyfully declared: Wake up! It's the Nathan, Wake Up! I waited and there was nothing. I walked through the front entrance and to door number one. I knocked on the door and there was no answer.

In my possession I had the keys to the front door because Rudd had them. I unlocked the door and the stillness of everything hit me not even a millisecond after I opened the door. The TV was on but nothing was being watched. There was an empty six pack of beer on the coffee table. I slowly walked past the kitchen. I stopped and couldn't move forward anymore. I was frozen there afraid to face what in my heart I knew was to be the truth.

I walked past the bookshelf and to the steps. Before I went upstairs I went downstairs hoping that the car was gone but it wasn't. Jeff was home.

I walked back up the steps as slowly as I could. I turned the corner where the first bathroom was. What I saw was not anything that resembled my friend. I couldn't help myself and I vomited.

They say that violent media content desensitizes you. I am going to say that I have seen a lot of crazy things in my life both on screen and in person. There is nothing that prepared me for that. It is something that I never want to see again. The emotional swing from joyful "wake up!" to the sinking reality of what I was witnessing is enough to shatter the soul and truth be told I felt a piece of me leave when I laid eyes on the shell that held one of my best friends.

I called 911 and for the next few hours I answered questions and sat in my car. Phone calls were made. I couldn't feel anything at all. That is apparently called shock.

The coroner said that it appears he had passed of a heart attack and that he had been gone for a few days but not yet a week.

I sit here and there is really only one truth that I know, and I know it to be true. Who we are is not what we are. That from this world we depart when all of our lessons are learned. There is nothing that can stop death. The only thing that matters are the memories you leave behind. Jeff left some amazing memories that I will cherish for as long as life allows me. His heart was enormous and wonderful. He possessed a spark of life and for all his demons that he fought (we all have demons) sometimes we just have to accept when all is said and done the next time we will see him is when we all walk upon the white shores.

You were and still are, and in other hearts will be forever loved.